"I see... Duality."

It's difficult to sum up all the experiences I've been having since going into rehearsals for ZEN.

(hi, Nick, if by any chance you're reading this!)

(The Director, Nick Olivero, Googled the shit out of me as one of the asssignments he gave all of us, and he read all my deepest, darkest secrets in my two online worldz. Oopsie.)

Yesterday, we did this one exercize... they seem to all last about an hour or so... where we became One with an ORANGE from Costco. I believe that I achieved more intimacy with this citrus fruit than with any homosexual Homo-Sapien I have encountered in-- err, awhile. Eeeck.

We also did this other exercize called "I See" where one person stands in the middle of the circle and the rest say their observations out loud: "I see wavy hair, I see a green T-shirt, I see courage, I see vulnerability, etc." It was kind of terrifying. I heard some VERY interesting things from people when I was in the middle. The most interesting of which was what I used for the subject title of this entry.

It takes me all day, the day after a rehearsal, to recover physically and emotionally from these experiences. I'm still unsure as to how all this is going to shape up to be some theatrical experience, although we are all bonding and I sense that something is slowly being formed.

So far we've only done one improv scene where I've gotten to play THE BOSS. It was intriguing to play with that power role. I think I actually might be able to actually grow into it and explore its manifestations more fully.

I feel incredibly grateful that I am getting to do this.

And believe it or not, I'm still taping my beloved RE:ality TV shows and catching up with them in my free time.

Go, Cirie! (The only person I am rooting for with all my heart.)

A Very Sad Time in J-Land

Pam, his1desire, of Just One Girl's Head Noise, lost her battle with Lung Cancer this past Easter Sunday... I wasn't a regular reader of her journal before her diagnosis, and felt uneasy about keeping up with the progression of her illness after finding out about it... honestly, I think I still have some unresolved grief issues over my Mom's death from Pancreatic Cancer, and I didn't feel that I had it in me to get emotionally invested in Pam's struggles, which frightened me to read about.

I'm sure that if I had already known Pam, I would have felt differently.

But yesterday morning and this morning, I find myself at Pam's journal... reading the comments and her last entries. I am so glad that she had so much love and support in her life. AOL sucks, but its online Journal community is still pretty awesome. The emotional connections that people make there are very strong.

I'm thinking a lot today about life, death, health, sickness and aging...

With Age comes... ???

At left: artsy shattered glass/gold-leafed window, on way to first ZEN rehearsal.

I know that all of you have been sitting by your computers day and night, waiting to find out how my first ZEN rehearsals went. It's hard leading such a fascinating life-- such pressure!

I've gotten through two demanding 3 1/2 hour rehearsals. Met the other cast members. I am OLD. This one young man is barely out of the womb compared to me.

So far we've spent our time Carin' and Sharin', we've played many Theater Gamez that have stretched my enfeebled brain beyond its normal Senior Citizen capacity, and we've done some Improv, which is always fun.

This Sunday evening we're going to Baker Beach, as the beach and sand are going to be major components of this theater piece.

I'm not sure how much to vent/gossip about this whole process on the old blog, as I'm uneasy about writing anything that might risk my reputation with my new The-a-tre Palz...

I am learning some major new stuff, which is great.

My main background and training is in Visual Art-- whereas these folks are heavy college Theater Majors, so there's a lot that I simply haven't experienced before in my piecemeal Acting/ Performance training.

Cavorting around in sequins, or running around an Opera House stage with a spear, seems a bit inadequate right now for what I feel (fear) will be expected of me.

Confidence!

Aging New Age-r Update

At left, friend of Madame G.'s posing with a Largish Gemstone. :-)

Amethyst or purple Rainbow Fluorite. After some research, that's my STONE choice, and I am still looking for it. I'm looking to replace a stone that I had during the very difficult year after my Mom's death, back in '94. I don't know what ever happened to that stone, but it had a lot of power for me-- I carried it everywhere for months.

Purple has always been a powerful color for me.

I am heading for the famed Haight-Ashbury District today, in the unending rain we've been having here for past several weeks.

Hey, everyone: my dear friend Anne B., who has known me since we were Art Skool Virgins, (and real life virgins [!]), has just begun a new blog. Her hubbie shamed her into it by declaring that she was the last person in the civilized world not to have one. Show her some Luv by clicking here.

ahh, btw, she refers to me in her blog by my *OTHER* Hippie/Stage name, Grove...

Technical Virtuosity/ Avant-Garde Sensibility

This weekend I saw the most thrilling piece of dance performed by my beloved San Francisco Ballet, "Artifact Suite," choreographed by William Forsythe, with music by two composers, J. S. Bach and a contemporary composer, Eva Crossman-Hecht. I saw it first on Friday evening with my balletomane pal, P., and was so blown away by it that I went again by myself yesterday afternoon, Standing Room, to see its final performance this season.

I don't think I've ever seen any live performance of dance, theater or music that has had such unexpected twists and turns and such moments of breathtaking communal spirit.

ahh, almost fergot to mention: the costumes were hot too.

Yesterday, while I was watching it, I realized that this aspect was what I found most thrilling: the piece used thirty dancers-- 25 corps members, 2 "Duet Couples" and a "Single Female Figure" (the incomparable Muriel Maffre), and they all created this experience of being members of a vibrant, erotic, dangerous, quiet, unified, chaotic, SPIRITUALLY CONNECTED community.

It is a very modern ballet, and not for everyone. Two ballet patrons of the *older persuasion* who were seated behind us on Friday night were NOT amused... "It's TOO LOUD!!!" (seconds after it started), "This is like a BAD DREAM!!!!!!," etc.

But you can't do "Swan Lake" every night, for chrissakes!

The company is repeating "Artifact Suite" next season-- it has been critically acclaimed by the local dance critics here. Mark your calendars. It will change your life if you see it.

Sticks and Stones

For my first " ZEN" rehearsal next Wednesday, one of the homework assignments is to bring in a:

STONE that represents how I view myself,

(goshdarnit, no emeralds in my jewelry box!!!)

and a:

STICK that represents how the world views me.

(ummm, okay.)

(?????)


Yes indeedy, this is going to be an interesting rehearsal/production process...

A Very ZEN-y Thank You!

Thank you to everyone who sent congrats and good wishes on my latest casting news.

Comments and Double Comments: FUN! (How the heck does one delete repeated comments-- arrgh, this Blogspot drives me nuts).

Now I'm hopin' and prayin' to get through the rehearsals. First one is April 12th.